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Notes
Family
Violence & Communication
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In
order to prevent frequent family tragedies, Asian
American / Asian Research Institute, City University of
New York invited Edward Ma, Psychotherapist to give a
lecture on “Family Violence and Dialogue” on 12/13
Friday. Discussion was followed by participants
including professors and students of CUNY, New York
University, concerned professionals and parents.
With 30 years of
clinical experience, Edward Ma emphasizes that many
Chinese immigrant parents tend to work long hours, 6 or
7 days a week without adequate rest. They can be easily
overwhelmed physically and emotionally. They deny their
feelings, neglect spouse and children by being less
interactive, loving and chatting with them. Gradually,
their judgment could be impaired. Some parents may
become unaware of their self-destructive behavior,
causing child abuse, domestic violence, and even
tragedies.
Case 1: Two years
ago, Connie Leong, an excellent 17 year old high school
student murdered her two parents in Manhattan with the
assistance of her unemployed African-American 20 year
old boyfriend, because they objected to her relationship
with him. The bodies were dumped into the East River and
were later recovered. The case is still pending as
Connie denies have any part in the crime, though her
boyfriend has confessed.
Case 2: About 1 ½
years ago, a divorced postman, Ku-Ching Lin shot his two
sons, 24 and 26, in Brooklyn because they failed to
return to him the borrowed sum of $2,000. Both sons
refused to appear in court against their father.
Case 3: About a year
ago, Chien-Ching Tsao was shot dead by policemen in
Kalamazoo, Michigan as he refused to let his 8 year old
step-daughter taken away by child care workers because
of his suspicious sexual abuse. Problems started when
Mr. Tsao applied medicated cream to his urinary infected
daughter who accidentally revealed in sex education
class about what happened at home, the previous night.
Case 4: Edward Chen
shot his parents and elder brother dead in 1995 in
Fairfax County, Virginia, a suburban area of Washington,
D.C., because they objected to his marriage with an
unmarried Caucasian single parent. The case was reported
by his ex-wife Mandy, 7 ½ years later, for fear of his
retaliation. On 12/09/02, the court sentenced him to 3
years and one month in jail.
All of the above
gruesome tragedies could have been prevented if
counseling was sought according to Edward Ma. He points
out that the best asset parents can give to their
children is to help them develop sound judgment, the
difference between right and wrong, which is more
precious than anything else. Mr. Ma stresses that the
best time for dialogue between parents and their child
is after school, before or after supper. The daily
dialogue should be conducted interactively in two ways,
instead of only one way. Through chatting, parents are
able to learn what happens in school, and grow together
with their children. Family isolation means family
tension, and family participation in school or community
activities can be healing, recreational and educational.
Professionals should give regular community meetings for
parents to discuss children and other matters.
As a community
advocate, Edward Ma points out that the best way to
prevent family violence and tragedy on the whole is to
foster healthy families though community support and
healing. “It takes a village to raise a child,” and it
takes a village to heal a family, too. Three tasks are
needed: 1. Mental health professionals and grass roots
must participate in school or community meetings and
activities to practice democracy for equality and
self-discipline. 2. Community groups must share, connect
and coordinate with each other. 3. Everyone must
register and vote to elect legislators as spokesperson
for Asian community in order to decrease discrimination
in school, employment, housing and conducting business.
All of these combined would create a profound healing
impact on our families and community.
Translated from
Sing Tao Daily / Ming Pao Daily News (December 18, 2002)
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